What’s The Big Deal With Gay Marriage?

A friend of mine recently asked, “Is it possible to be fundamentally ‘for’ someone holistically, but disagree with or oppose some aspects of their personality, behavior, lifestyle, or identity?” A great question! What do you think?

Have you ever had someone in your life that you really loved and care for yet there were, or are, aspects of their lives, personality, or choices and preferences that you don’t agree with or want for yourself…or them? Of course! We all have. If you have kids you really know what I’m talking about. Here are a few of the answers I got when I posted this question on Facebook a couple days ago…

My friend Genevieve said, “Isn’t that marriage?”

Eric said, “Yes! We don’t get to say I accept 80% of someone. We are either for them or against. I either love you or I don’t. My wife is holistically for me even though there are plenty of aspects of my character that could use improvement.”

Dana says, “You can love a person without loving every aspect of them.”

And my friend Angela really nailed it when she posted, “I find that when I focus on a person’s inherent worth (by proxy of them being a created being) and their dignity, I can be for them in many, many ways. I also find that so many days I have to “default” to love as my core driving value–not being right, not knowing right, not knowing better. There is so much power in love!”

Good stuff and a good dialogue without everyone freaking out and throwing stones.

It’s a crying shame that in our nation today it is automatically assumed that if we don’t agree with someone’s choices or views that we must be apposed to THEM. Like we are against them as a person. Why? That is not always, and perhaps rarely the case. I think that this is unfortunately at the heart of much of the debate and consternation today surrounding homosexuality, gay rights and now same sex marriage.

You see, my friend was asking his question in the context of the recent Supreme Court ruling in favor of same sex marriage nation wide. And as you know there has been quite the uproar on both sides of this and everyone is weighing in with an opinion. I know some of you are wanting me to come down hard and clear on one side of the issue or the other.

And I will here…I think.

But I want to address a part of the issue that I have heard no one address and I think it is central to what’s really at hand. I think it’s the big deal. But I have to say I do so with a bit of fear. I am afraid to be lumped in with the crazy haters out there. I am afraid of being shunned by my own tribe if they don’t fully agree with what I say. It could happen. And it probably will.

Please, whatever side of these issues you are on know that I am ‘for’ you. I am not against you. I would really love to have this discussion face to face, over a meal or long walk. And know too, that I want, no I need to know your story before I can really have any opinion as it specifically pertains to you and your choices. I don’t have that, so what I am going to say is very general in nature. It has to be. At least for now and in this format.[clickToTweet tweet=”If people disagree or choose different lifestyles than us, it does not make them enemies.” quote=”If people disagree or choose different lifestyles than us, it does not make them enemies.”]

Here goes. As I’ve already said, if people disagree or choose different lifestyles, it does not make them enemies. Our battles in life are not against each other in flesh and blood. Don’t go there. And here is my real issue with this whole debate: I think that most of it misses the point entirely. What we do does not equal who we are. Our choices do not equal our identity. I know that’s the way of this world, but it’s a lie. Our identity comes from something completely different–from someone completely different than us.

A person that chooses to have sex with another person of the same gender is called gay or homosexual. That stems from their actions, preferences or choices. But that is not their identity any more than because I drive a Chevy my identity is “I’m a Chevy” and therefore if you don’t like Chevys or prefer other manufacturers, then we’re against each other. I have been angry in my life but that does not define me. I choose to drink alcohol at times and others do not, but I am not a “drunk”. That is not my identity or who I am. Those are choices. And regardless if you think someones choices are considered sin in the Bible or not, those choices do not define them. Look in the mirror. Do your sins define you? Do other’s disagreements with you define who you are? I sure hope not.

So for me, it doesn’t matter if someone believes that their gender or sexual partners define them, or they believe they were born with those preferences, or if it is someone else trying to label them a certain way, I have to say that all of those are missing the issue behind the issue. All of us need to believe we are created in the image of a loving, gracious and generous God and find our identity in that, as well as let it inform how we see and treat each other. We love others because we are all created in the same image of God!

That’s the real issue. At least as I see it. The next best time to believe the truth about who or what defines our identity is now. God loves all of his kids and so should we. He doesn’t love everything we do, but he loves who we are!

​And that’s a big deal.

[Comments from my old website/blog were not carried over to this new one. Please leave your thoughts below.]

Story of God

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You can also get Story of God training and free story sets here. [clickToTweet tweet=”Can you really tell the story of the Bible in under 8 minutes? You sure can. Watch this!” quote=”Can you really tell the story of the Bible in under 8 minutes? You sure can. Watch this!”]

Watch or share this Story of God video on Youtube.

Question: How does the Story of God challenge the way you have thought about God, your own life, and the Church? Please leave your thoughts below.

Your Story…God’s Story

Our favorite singers, songwriters, comedians, preachers or public speakers all have one thing in common: they know how to tell a good story. And when they finish telling a story I feel connected to it–and them–in some profound way. I can relate in laughter or tears, in agreement or disagreement, but I connect powerfully with the stories they tell.

That’s how it works in the rest of our lives too.

We get to know each other and build friendships by sharing our stories. We are bound together by common themes and the things we have jointly experienced. In fact that is how relationship and community happens…our common stories connect us, and bind us together.

Deep down inside, even if we can’t explain it, we all yearn to be connected to a BIGGER story, to have our lives make a difference and be connected to something more. That is because our lives are all actually part of a much, much larger story. And there is ONE dominant Story that all of our stories will ultimately find their place in and finally be complete because of…that’s God’s Story.

His Story comes before, finishes, corrects and ultimately makes sense of all other stories.[clickToTweet tweet=”Every part of our own story, and everyone else’s, is actually a reflection of the Story of God.” quote=”Every part of our own story, and everyone else’s, is actually a reflection of the Story of God.”]

Every part of our own story, and everyone else’s, is actually a reflection of the Story of God. That is how God has designed things. Our life story, and all of the little pieces that make it up, actually follow the same pattern found in God’s story throughout the Bible, here’s what that looks like:

CREATION➜FALL➜REDEMPTION➜RESTORATION

That’s a pretty quick 4–scene version of the story found in the Bible.

In order to effectively share who God is, what he’s up to in this world and how he’s changing our life, we must learn how to tell our stories through the lens of this larger Story.

Let me quickly share, in each of these scenes, one question that you’ll need to try and answer as you tell your story:

CREATION: The Key Question here is: Who or What most shaped who you thought you were, and where you got your real value and “identity” in life from?

FALL: The Key Question here is: Why was your relationship with God and others, (and anything else in your life), NOT the way it was supposed to be–like God created it to be? How where you rebelling against God and his ways?

REDEMPTION: The Key Question here is: How has Jesus taken the penalty for your rebellion on himself and how you came to put your faith and trust in Him to redeem and restore your life to the way God intended it to be?

RESTORATION: The Key Question here is: What has changed and what is changing in your life now? AND… Who and what is the focus of your life today?

That should help get you started in the right direction…

One more thing: Unfortunately, often when we Christians tell our stories (usually called “sharing our testimony”) we give very little evidence to the fact that we needed to be rescued and restored by God for his glory and Kingdom purposes. And if we do mention God or Jesus in our story, we’ll probably tell of some experience we had at a church service or youth camp…saying a special prayer… Then we talk about how much better our life is going today. And to tell the truth, we don’t usually make ourselves look that bad, and we don’t make God look all that good. We are the primary focus, the hero in our story, but we’re sorta thankful for God’s help along the way.[clickToTweet tweet=”We must learn to tell our story in a way that God is the hero.” quote=”We must learn to tell our story in a way that God is the hero.”]

However, we can learn to tell our stories in a way that shows God is the hero of the story! and will be both salt and light to others; salty like potato chips–after getting started they’ll want to hear more; and light that illuminates a path toward new life with Jesus. So if you’ve been shy in telling your faith story to others or making yourself out to be better than you really are…the next best time to make your story part of THE story is now.

Here’s a link to a free resource: My Gospel Story that will completely expand on all of this and walk you through creating your own story. I hope that helps. I would love to here your story when you finish it!

[Comments from my old website/blog were not carried over to this new one. Please leave your thoughts below.]

Family Dinner Night

My wife Tina and I, have for years, been living out our spirituality–our faith–with others in community. I’m not talking about the “church we go to” but rather intentional community with others that’s focused on living like Jesus would live if he were walking around our neighborhood today.

A big part of living like a family with others is eating together, and OFTEN!

As if it is carved into sacred stone, our extended family–we call it our missional community–gets together for a weekly family dinner night.

These collaborative meals are usually simple, sometimes elaborate, often thrown together, but always warm and full of acceptance. It is a needed bright spot in our week and a time when anyone and everyone are invited in everyone is always invited. At times we will take communion together and go around speaking Good News to each other, pushing back the hurts and disappointments of the week and reminding one another of what is now true of us because of Jesus. Afterward everyone helps clean up, making sure there is no leftover mess.

As a family, we practice an “open door policy” with one another. I know that I can stop by the home or apartment of those in my community at any time and it will be no big deal. It works in reverse too; my friends know that they can stop by our house any time (I’ve noticed that the single guys seem to practice this more around dinnertime).

This may freak you out a little. You may be thinking, “Whoa, how do you have any time to yourself.

What about boundaries?

There have been times when my wife, Tina, and I are sitting on the couch in the evening having a glass of wine together and the doorbell will ring. “Hey, Caesar. Hi, Tina. What are you guys doing tonight?” And I will say, “Hey, Nick, how you doing brother? Tina and I were just sitting here watching this romantic comedy together and I, um, was kind of hoping for a happy ending…if you know what I mean. So unless there is some emergency or you really need us right now, let’s get together tomorrow if that’s cool.”

Because of the openness and trust we have with one another, there is not only the freedom to open our homes, but we also have the freedom to say “Thanks for stopping by, but now’s not a great time.” We all know this and respect this reality.

But sometimes it’s hard!

Living like this could really spin off in a bad direction if we don’t live with a focus on the Good News and live with intentionality. If my life is all about my comfort and feeding my preferences, then all of that stuff would be frightening and impossible to sustain. But in light of the love we have been shown, it is a pleasure and a blast to live in ways that show what our real, true heavenly Dad is really like.

Sure it would have been great if someone would have shared these ideas with you or led you into this way of thinking and living years ago, but as always, the next best time to begin…is now!

Question: What’s keeping you  from hosting a weekly family dinner for your friends and community? If you’re doing it already, what are you experiencing?

[Comments from my old website/blog were not carried over to this new one. Please leave your thoughts below.]

A Garden in My Heart

I have a love–hate relationship with my garden and flowerbeds. ​On one hand, I love when they are clean, planted, and blooming at all the right times each season.

On the other, because of the rains that are present throughout every season in Tacoma, where Tina and I have our family home, I have a non-stop battle to fight with weeds that remain the fastest growing and most robust plants I have. They even grow full speed ahead during the winter, when everything else is either dead or taking a break.

I was working on my garden out in front of my house one sunny afternoon, (yes, we do get sun in the Pacific Northwest too!), and as I pulled weeds and replaced them with bright, colorful flowers, something started to shift in me. My heart softened as my nails became caked with rich, black soil. I started feeling as if I was involved in a much grander project or purpose. It was as if I was connecting to the overarching restoration of all things that God has promised to do in our world.

Is my front garden a part of that?

In that moment, it sure seemed like it. The Spirit reminded me that this is how he works within me too, pulling one weed at a time and replacing it with something beautiful. I started to think of all the people I know with weeds and thorny, spiky parts of their personality and life. Maybe I was to be patient and willing to get my hands a little dirty helping to “beautify the garden” of their lives too?

One by one, people from the neighborhood started to notice what I was up to. “Wow! That is looking really beautiful. I just love petunias!” “I was wondering if you were ever going to get around to this project.”

Not the feedback I hoped for, but I’ll take it.

One of the workers from the Salvation Army next door who loves to give me gardening advice, ambled over and said, “This is looking really good. I think I’ll start taking my breaks over here in front of your house from now on.” My flowerbeds were becoming his own little Garden of Eden in the neighborhood. A simple hour or two of gardening had refreshed and re-created my attitude in some pretty profound ways.[clickToTweet tweet=”Maybe everything we work at has a Kingdom perspective if we take the time to notice.” quote=”Maybe everything we work at has a Kingdom perspective if we take the time to notice.”]

Maybe everything we work at is like this if we have that perspective and take the time to notice. There is possibility for redemption all around us.

So, if you’ve been putting off some actual weeding you need to do outside in your garden, or in the garden of your heart or others, the next best time to get started is now.

[Comments from my old website/blog were not carried over to this new one. Please leave your thoughts below.]

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