What would you do if time and money were no object? Seriously. Give yourself permission to dream a little here. In fact, while you’re at it, dream bigger!
Have you ever had someone in your life that you really loved and care for yet there were, or are, aspects of their lives, personality, or choices and preferences that you don’t agree with or want for yourself…or them? Of course! We all have. If you have kids you really know what I’m talking about. Here are a few of the answers I got when I posted this question on Facebook a couple days ago…
My friend Genevieve said, “Isn’t that marriage?”
Eric said, “Yes! We don’t get to say I accept 80% of someone. We are either for them or against. I either love you or I don’t. My wife is holistically for me even though there are plenty of aspects of my character that could use improvement.”
Dana says, “You can love a person without loving every aspect of them.”
And my friend Angela really nailed it when she posted, “I find that when I focus on a person’s inherent worth (by proxy of them being a created being) and their dignity, I can be for them in many, many ways. I also find that so many days I have to “default” to love as my core driving value–not being right, not knowing right, not knowing better. There is so much power in love!”
Good stuff and a good dialogue without everyone freaking out and throwing stones.
It’s a crying shame that in our nation today it is automatically assumed that if we don’t agree with someone’s choices or views that we must be apposed to THEM. Like we are against them as a person. Why? That is not always, and perhaps rarely the case. I think that this is unfortunately at the heart of much of the debate and consternation today surrounding homosexuality, gay rights and now same sex marriage.
You see, my friend was asking his question in the context of the recent Supreme Court ruling in favor of same sex marriage nation wide. And as you know there has been quite the uproar on both sides of this and everyone is weighing in with an opinion. I know some of you are wanting me to come down hard and clear on one side of the issue or the other.
And I will here…I think.
But I want to address a part of the issue that I have heard no one address and I think it is central to what’s really at hand. I think it’s the big deal. But I have to say I do so with a bit of fear. I am afraid to be lumped in with the crazy haters out there. I am afraid of being shunned by my own tribe if they don’t fully agree with what I say. It could happen. And it probably will.
Please, whatever side of these issues you are on know that I am ‘for’ you. I am not against you. I would really love to have this discussion face to face, over a meal or long walk. And know too, that I want, no I need to know your story before I can really have any opinion as it specifically pertains to you and your choices. I don’t have that, so what I am going to say is very general in nature. It has to be. At least for now and in this format.[clickToTweet tweet=”If people disagree or choose different lifestyles than us, it does not make them enemies.” quote=”If people disagree or choose different lifestyles than us, it does not make them enemies.”]
Here goes. As I’ve already said, if people disagree or choose different lifestyles, it does not make them enemies. Our battles in life are not against each other in flesh and blood. Don’t go there. And here is my real issue with this whole debate: I think that most of it misses the point entirely. What we do does not equal who we are. Our choices do not equal our identity. I know that’s the way of this world, but it’s a lie. Our identity comes from something completely different–from someone completely different than us.
A person that chooses to have sex with another person of the same gender is called gay or homosexual. That stems from their actions, preferences or choices. But that is not their identity any more than because I drive a Chevy my identity is “I’m a Chevy” and therefore if you don’t like Chevys or prefer other manufacturers, then we’re against each other. I have been angry in my life but that does not define me. I choose to drink alcohol at times and others do not, but I am not a “drunk”. That is not my identity or who I am. Those are choices. And regardless if you think someones choices are considered sin in the Bible or not, those choices do not define them. Look in the mirror. Do your sins define you? Do other’s disagreements with you define who you are? I sure hope not.
So for me, it doesn’t matter if someone believes that their gender or sexual partners define them, or they believe they were born with those preferences, or if it is someone else trying to label them a certain way, I have to say that all of those are missing the issue behind the issue. All of us need to believe we are created in the image of a loving, gracious and generous God and find our identity in that, as well as let it inform how we see and treat each other. We love others because we are all created in the same image of God!
That’s the real issue. At least as I see it. The next best time to believe the truth about who or what defines our identity is now. God loves all of his kids and so should we. He doesn’t love everything we do, but he loves who we are!
And that’s a big deal.
[Comments from my old website/blog were not carried over to this new one. Please leave your thoughts below.]
A big part of living like a family with others is eating together, and OFTEN!
As if it is carved into sacred stone, our extended family–we call it our missional community–gets together for a weekly family dinner night.
These collaborative meals are usually simple, sometimes elaborate, often thrown together, but always warm and full of acceptance. It is a needed bright spot in our week and a time when anyone and everyone are invited in everyone is always invited. At times we will take communion together and go around speaking Good News to each other, pushing back the hurts and disappointments of the week and reminding one another of what is now true of us because of Jesus. Afterward, everyone helps clean up, making sure there is no leftover mess.
As a family, we practice an “open door policy” with one another. I know that I can stop by the home or apartment of those in my community at any time and it will be no big deal. It works in reverse too; my friends know that they can stop by our house any time (I’ve noticed that the single guys seem to practice this more around dinnertime).
This may freak you out a little. You may be thinking, “Whoa, how do you have any time to yourself.
What about boundaries?
There have been times when my wife, Tina, and I are sitting on the couch in the evening having a glass of wine together and the doorbell will ring. “Hey, Caesar. Hi, Tina. What are you guys doing tonight?” And I will say, “Hey, Nick, how you doing brother? Tina and I were just sitting here watching this romantic comedy together and I, um, was kind of hoping for a happy ending…if you know what I mean. So unless there is some emergency or you really need us right now, let’s get together tomorrow if that’s cool.”
Because of the openness and trust we have with one another, there is not only the freedom to open our homes, but we also have the freedom to say “Thanks for stopping by, but now’s not a great time.” We all know this and respect this reality.
But sometimes it’s hard!
Living like this could really spin-off in a bad direction if we don’t live with a focus on the Good News and live with intentionality. If my life is all about my comfort and feeding my preferences, then all of that stuff would be frightening and impossible to sustain. But in light of the love we have been shown, it is a pleasure and a blast to live in ways that show what our real, true heavenly Dad is really like.
Sure it would have been great if someone would have shared these ideas with you or led you into this way of thinking and living years ago, but as always, the next best time to begin…is now!
Question: What’s keeping you from hosting a weekly family dinner for your friends and community? If you’re doing it already, what are you experiencing?
One sure way to get our family and friends out of bed and around the breakfast table is to make a Team K family favorite dish … salami eggs. (Imagine in your mind a plate of food with a glowing orb of joy around it!)
This is one of our own concoctions, combining a few different ethnic traditions into one unique and totally delicious meal. Add to this a little breakfast cake, some black coffee, and the occasional mimosa, and an instant brunch-time feast erupts every time.
What’s kind of amazing about this particular dish is how many of our friends have started making it themselves, posting pictures online and seeking our vote of approval as they declare this meal to be one of their absolute favorites. Why? Because they’ve been so blessed by our tradition and want to faithfully pass it on and bless others. It is, in fact, an impossibly easy meal to make—once you’ve seen it cooked and eaten it a few times.
Countless times my wife and I have shown how many eggs per person ratio we use and how to cut the salami into little half-inch squares and fry them just right before adding the whipped eggs. We have confided in them which of the corn and wheat tortillas they should buy that will hold the cooked salami and eggs. And we have showed them just the right amount of cream cheese to spread on the tortillas before adding a favorite hot sauce. All of it adds up to one amazing bite of righteousness!
To be repeated and passed on, again and again…
This meal has become a ritual, a favored tradition in our household, and now in many others as well. It has multiplied out to new “generations” of salami and egg makers, many whom we have never even met. Each one is putting their unique little spin and nuance on it, but passing it on faithfully with love.
Imagine if life and discipleship all followed this same pattern or process.
It can, and it must.
It’s critical that we not only learn to live as extended families on mission, but that we faithfully and intentionally learn how to pass this life of Jesus on to others who in turn make more disciples.
You’ve probably never enjoyed the salami eggs before…but the next best time is now. Go for it. Here’s a link to the recipe and pictures…I KNOW you’ll enjoy it!
[Comments from my old website/blog were not carried over to this new one. Please leave your thoughts below.]
Recently I was at a funeral. The mother of a friend of mine passed away and there were hundreds of people who came to say their goodbyes and be with the family. The ceremony went on for hours.
