I started dating Tina when we were both 16 years old and in high school. That was like, uh, 15 years ago? No actually, we have been together for well over half of our lifetime. And this month we celebrate 32 years of marriage. I can barely remember a “me” without Tina in my life. I love you honey!
We started out dating and became best friends. Throughout our marriage we’ve discovered that it is super-important to actively, intentionally work on staying friends. Having a regular, scheduled “date night” has been crucial to keeping the fires burning. We’ve found that if we don’t, we can end up only being in problem solving mode all the time and move from task to task and mini crisis to crisis and start to feel more like business partners than two people in love and marriage.
In our case Tina and I actually are business partners. We’ve owned and operated over a dozen businesses together, so we really can get into detail mode and end up solely focused on what needs to get done, fixed or cleaned up next. Oops, sorry T!
So, dating your spouse, really? Tell me more! Okay I will.
1. Schedule it into your calendar. Most of us use some form of a paper or digital calendar to keep track of events that are important to us. Believe me, this is important! Find a regular, hopefully weekly time that works for you and put it in your shared calendar. And then put a fence around it. Don’t let it get bumped off. Keep it “sacred”.
2. Take turns planning out the date night. We have found that it is more fun if we take turns planning out the “what and where” of our date nights. We try and surprise each other a little and it keeps the responsibility for these dates shared and non-burdensome. There are some cool books out there that will give you plenty of ideas if you need them.
3. Date nights do not have to be elaborate or expensive. Some of our best date nights were simple little picnics in the park, or back yard. A walk around our neighborhood and ice cream afterwards. Once, early in our marriage, we drove over an hour to go to the new Starbucks that had just opened. We bought what at the time seemed like really expensive coffee, felt like Europeans, and just talked. Sometimes we’ll go to a movie for our date nights, but that severely limits conversation and we want these times to reconnect our hearts.
4. Swap out baby sitting with a few other couples. Kind of tied to the non-expensive idea, we regularly, when our kids were younger, swapped out baby sitting with other couples so that we could each save the expense of paying other sitters. We have friends that do this with three other couples on a rotating basis. They each take one week every month and have all of the other’s kids over (a house full) while the three remaining couples are on their date nights. A great way to serve each other and some built in accountability to keep those date nights happening.
5. Don’t talk about work, problems or negative stuff. At least most of the time. Sure, once in a while you’ll need to talk about important or urgent topics on your date nights, but try and make these times about becoming closer as friends and staying passionate about your marriage and each other. Go after the heart issues. How are we doing? What do you want more from me…less from me. How can I serve you as father/mother to our kids? If you need it, again there are great resources out there that will give you a ton of topics, questions and stuff to talk about on your date nights.[clickToTweet tweet=”When you have a consistent date night, you are modeling the importance of your marriage to your kids.” quote=”When you have a consistent, intentional date night, you are modeling the importance of your marriage and relationship to your kids.”]
Important Bonus! When you have a consistent, intentional date night, you are modeling the importance of your marriage and relationship to your kids. And others. Our married children (no kids yet) are now carrying on the tradition of having date nights and they are just getting started in marriage.
Proud Dad alert!
Tina and I have been more consistent at times with this rhythm than at others. But between the two of us, and by God’s grace, we usually get our date nights back on track and back to meaningful, intentional times of filling up our love tanks.
So if you’ve stopped dating your spouse long ago, or it’s been a while since your dates have really reconnected your hearts, the next best time to get after that is now. Talk about it together. Get it on the calendar.
Let me know some of your best date night ideas on Facebook or in the comments below. (I just moved my blog to this new platform and all of your old comments are a vapor, alas.)
