Tragedy, adversity or pain can often be our best tutor. No one (including myself) votes for these things to show up in life, but God has a way of loving us in the midst of these that can be life changing. Or at least life-adjusting.
A little over a week ago I was having a great day when calamity struck.
I was in Austin for a little work and a visit with my friends Brandon and Jen Hatmaker. (These are stellar people to hang with!) Brandon and I sailed through the work we needed to accomplish, and then while enjoying summer beverages on their massive wrap-around porch, we decided that the next day would include a solid ride on the Harley’s out in the country.
Sweet.
I love riding–always have–and I couldn’t have been more excited.
The next afternoon we met up with a couple of Brandon’s riding brothers there in Austin, had a nice pit barbecue lunch and hit the open road. Ahh the life…
And Then This Happened
Not too long into this beautiful, sunny, mid-day adventure we came upon a series of tight switchbacks and curves. Beautiful. With great caution, and speeds no more than 25 mph, we were navigating the turns when I came up over a tall ridge only to realize (too late) that I should already be leaning in hard to the right in order to make the next turn.
I didn’t make it.
I went up and over the oncoming lane and down into the ravine/ditch on the far side. I worked hard to bring my bike to a stop down there, but I lost the fight.
Dang it.
Scary, not much fun, and it didn’t turn out well for me or the Harley I was on.
The results:
- I was knocked unconscious for a bit… that’s always weird
- I broke two ribs (super ouch)
- My right lung collapsed, I think it was punctured by a broken rib
- I fractured five vertebrae in my neck and back
- My left ankle was broke leaving my foot sort of attached backwards (see pic)
- Black and flamed 2004 Harley-Davidson Heritage Classic totaled 🙁
(Both my knees are straight up in this picture…not quite right.)
My friends were smart and the paramedics were fast, so pretty quickly I was on my way to a weeklong stay at the big trauma hospital in Austin. Not exactly how I had planned on spending my week.
I went through a fair amount of pain last week, everything is harder to do when you can’t move, walk or look around much. Lotsa tests, x-rays and surgery on my left leg and eventually they cut me loose for the “fun” journey home to Tacoma.
I’ve had a lot of hours to sit and process this event; staring straight ahead for hours is my new hobby. I think I have a small dose of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) associated with all of this. Gotta work through that too, I guess. [clickToTweet tweet=”Calamity clarifies and comfort confuses! ~Kevin Turner” quote=”Calamity clarifies and comfort confuses! ~Kevin Turner”]
Most of all I have been trying to pay attention. I am trying to listen and notice.
What is God saying? Why am I going through this now and in this manner? Why didn’t I die or end up a quadriplegic from the crash? Why didn’t I just walk away unharmed?
Here is what I am hearing and seeing…and the insights are still coming:
- I am so very loved. My Father in heaven consistently reminds me of this. He’s told me himself over and over and he showed me through so many of you friends who have been praying for me and sending notes of encouragement. To experience such a great love is humbling.
- I am grateful. This whole thing could have gone WAY worse, but it didn’t. But I don’t want to be the type of person that only lives in gratitude when things are rosy. These past days my heart has filled with gratitude to God for how he has revealed himself and his great care and watch over my life. I am overwhelmed with a deep sense of his love and protection. Thanks Dad!
- I have the absolute best wife ever! It is no doubt that Tina is a rock star, but the way that she dropped everything to fly to Austin and has moment-by moment cared for my every need has been nothing short of amazing. What a gift from God and a testimony of his grace you are honey! And I must say, my kids have been right there with her and a huge Team K blessing as well. J
- I need to slow down. I don’t really have much choice for several weeks, but it has become apparent that I needed to re-learn how to slow down and be present to a much greater degree than I have been. People and relationships are the most valuable thing in my life. I want to maintain and live out of this perspective more.
- God is great, so I don’t have to be in control. My head knows this, but my heart gets way behind in believing that I can control–all an illusion. I cannot truly control anything (like my bike etc.) and to think so, or stress over trying to live like I can, is just plain sinful. “God, you are great and I trust you and your perfect timing in all things!” Thanks for the reminder.
- I mess up, but that’s not who I am. Immediately after my accident I started feeling badly for how my choices and actions had caused so many people pain and strife. I felt like a total screw-up. But quickly the Spirit affirmed my sonship and reminded me that what I do does not equal who I am. We all make mistakes (even though this was not through carelessness), but believing my true identity as a dearly loved and cared for son of the living God is always true of me–regardless of what I do.
- So many people out there need a hand. I could write pages on the things I encountered going through our American health-care system, if only for a week. And like I’ve said, I am grateful, but whoa. I thought often about those in my same situation (in rooms next to mine) who did not have the support of their family, community and close loved ones. “What do they do in a situation like this?!” Forms to fill, a trillion questions and decisions. Lack of resources and support. Then they are sent home to care for themselves. How? I can’t, how do they?
Many in our neighborhoods and cities are going though “normal” or traumatic health care issues alone everyday without the love and support of an engaged family.
Hey Church–is that our role? What would it look like for our gospel-centered communities to adopt a few of those in need and be their family during a tough time…and beyond?
Would the gospel actually be good news?
I think it would.
What’s Next?
I’m still listening for how God may have my family step into this area of life, love and ministry among our own neighbors. Pray that I hear accurately. I’ll be praying for you too.
Pray for me too that I won’t quickly forget the things God is showing me through this “tragedy”. I want to know him more, I want to be more available to him and his kingdom. I want to love in the ways I have been loved.
Calamity? Maybe not so much…
Question: What have you learned or heard from God during hard times or adversity in your life?
