I have noticed that a lot of folks seem to have lost the art of making friends. Maybe its just a modern culturural phenomenon for everyone, but it sure seems to be the case amongst our tribe.
I get asked all the time how my wife, Tina, and I can have so many friends and deep connections with people. “Oh, you guys must be super extroverted…I guess I’m just not like that.” Nope, that’s not it. We may be more extroverted than some folks, but that’s not why we have a lot of friends.
Let me share our secret to making friends quickly. I’ll break it down into 5 main categories.
1. Pick a place. If you never or rarely go out and meet new people who live in proximity to you, well then, it’s going to be pretty hard to make new friends. Pick at least one cafe, restaurant, park, club or pub and go there 2-3 times per week. And at around the same times. This way you’ll start running into some of the same folks and the staff that work there. This will build familiarity in both directions.
2. Ask and remember peoples names. I’ve noticed that when you can go up and start a conversation with someone by using their name, they are immediately impressed and drawn to you. I’ve never been naturally gifted in this way so I keep a list on my smartphone (I use Evernote) and I list the place/establishment and the person’s name right after I meet them. That way the next time I run into them I can say hello and start the conversation using their name. “Hey Bill, how’ve you been buddy?”
3. Ask good questions and be a good listener. Hanging out frequently and jotting down a few names
is a good start, but we’ve got to engage people and get to know part of their unique story. Ask good, open-ended questions. Then listen. Don’t try and one up them with your “I walked on the moon” stories. That’s a funny Bryan Regan reference for those of you who don’t know. (It’s funny!)
4. Buy a round once in a while and over tip the staff. People everywhere are drawn to generosity. If you’re frequenting a local pub, buy a round for those at the bar once in a while. Or if that’s not your scene, maybe pick up the tab for coffee for the person behind you in line at the cafe. And always ask your server his or her name and tip them well. Over tip them actually. They’ll certainly remember you and want to introduce you to others.[clickToTweet tweet=”People everywhere are drawn to generosity. Buy a round once in a while!” quote=”People everywhere are drawn to generosity. Buy a round once in a while!”]
5. Invite folks who are “leaning in” over your home. Okay, I know this may scare some of you. It shouldn’t. That home or apartment you have is a resource and meant to be shared with others. When you sense that certain people are “leaning in” to relationship and seem open to being your friend, invite them over for a simple meal, coffee or just to hang out and watch TV. This breaking of the wall of public and private is key to building relationships and trust.
So there’s my secret to making friends quickly. I don’t think that any of what I shared here today is rocket science. But given the busyness of life and the sort of self-centered patterns we often get into, a refresher course on making friends may be just what some of us need to get un-stuck.
The next best time to get out there and be a friend to someone is now. You’ll be glad that you did and so will they. As always, thanks for watching.
And hey, let me ask you, what is keeping you from making more friends and expanding your circle of relationships? Leave me your thoughts below. Thanks!
