The Church is a family, always has been, and it is vital that we learn how to include everyone in the mission that God has called us to. Even (or especially) our kids.
One of the most often asked questions I get is what to do with kids in a missional, or incarnational community. This can seem tough, but it doesn’t have to be. My answer usually starts off with a few questions:
➤ Well, what do you currently do with kids in your normal family life?
This confuses folks right off the bat.
Their answers are simple things like… we eat together, do chores, play games, learn stuff and have fun. Exactly. All of those same things are how and when true discipleship occurs. Your community life can and should include all of these things. Kids fit right in to most of that at the same times.
➤ Do you consider your kids part of the community…or want them to feel that they are?
The answer is always “yes”.
If Christians continue to silo their kids off into “kids class” or youth groups until they become young adults, they’ll never feel like they are a part of the Church or part of the mission. This is a big contributing factor to the huge fall off from church participation when kids go to college. Living an integrated life is key. Our children are not a nuisance and need to be included in the normal everyday rhythms of a life lived on mission if we ever want them to continue on with a strong and integrated faith.
➤ Are you trying to do “missional community” in a single night each week?
This is often the hidden problem lurking behind their question.[clickToTweet tweet=”Missional community life cannot be jammed into a few hours on a weeknight. ” quote=”Missional community life cannot be jammed into a few hours on a weeknight. “]
Just like we could never properly parent our kids in a single night each week, missional community life cannot be jammed into a few hours on a weeknight. We are going to need to have weekly rhythms that include folks at all different points in their spiritual journey and in the relational continuum. Kids are no different.
I know that many of have been raised with this idea that our children’s spiritual development is handled by proxy through Sunday school and youth groups. But Old and New Testament writings indicate that parents are to pass down the Story and experience of the Christian faith to their children, not through children’s ministry at one’s local church. Sure, that can be a huge bonus, but intentionally discipling our own kids in the normal rhythms of life is where the gospel comes alive.
Here are some practical ways to include your kids in the life of your missional community without going nuts.
- Have “family times” that are purely for getting together as a community. These times don’t have to have a big agenda and can be as wild and fun as you want. Have food, have fun and maybe have a small object lesson for the kids with lots of questions to get them engaged.
- Have other/more times that the adults in the community get together for learning or deeper discussions. Our kids can easily be a distraction for these times and we may need to work “adult only” rhythms into the community life sooner than later.
- Have different MC’s take turns babysitting each other kids. As soon as you have more than one missional community in your network, church or area, you can trade off hanging out with each other’s children so as to provide focused group times for learning or mission that is less kid-appropriate. This also helps your kids know that they are part of a larger family on mission.
- Have older kids (teens) watch or teach the younger one’s while the “big people” have their discussion times. Part of discipleship is learning to teach and train others that which we’ve learned and experienced. Having older children help teach and be with their younger “extended siblings” is a great way to train them for leadership and disciple-making. Set them up to win and review afterwords how things went. I don’t suggest paying them like babysitters for this. This is family.
- Learn to integrate the kids during parties or serving times when you’re out helping people together. This gives them memories of a much more holistic Christian life and shows them that we are all in this together and their is a place for them on mission.
- Let the little kids run the family meeting or serving times once every month or so. For example, one set of third graders I heard about created invites for other kids at the school to come by and watch Shreck on the side of the house using their parents projector. They also made invites for the parents to come over for coffee and refreshments. Sixty kids showed up and as many parents! Encourage your little ones in praying for their friends and finding ways to be on mission with you. Even let them lead!
- Relax. Stressing over trying to always create the perfect environment, evening or program is a lot more the result of our church backgrounds than what we read about the early Church looked like in the Book of Acts. The next best time to start believing that kids are a super valuable part of our community and the future of the mission is now!
Question: What are some other ways you’ve incorporated your children into the normal rhythms of your missional community life. Leave me your ideas in the comments below…share them with the world!
